I know as a Christian, I'm not supposed to believe in luck. I'm supposed to believe that we are broken people living in a broken world where God's laws still reign. Therefore, you make a stupid decision, chances are it will have negative results. If you're a generous person, you are rewarded, and so on.
What we define as luck can be described thusly: when someone doesn't deserve good things to happen to them, yet they happen anyway, we call it good luck. When someone whom we feel deserves good things seems to only have bad things happen to them, we call it bad luck. And the way we define one's deservedness falls along these lines: we deserve good things, others don't.
Okay, we sometimes broaden those definitions to suit our own emotional needs. Those friends and family with whom we are closest deserve good things. Because they are the most likely to give us stuff. We also make exemptions for those who are so blatantly kind and good that we can't convince ourselves that we are better than them. Secretly, however, we resent them for ignoring the very obvious messages within our culture that teach us to be selfish. I mean, come on, don't these selfless do-gooders ever watch TV?
The ones that really get under my skin are the people who I genuinely like who seem to have an abundance of good luck. I have a friend who is good-looking, has a very pretty wife, a litter of pretty kids and is successful in business. Recently, he registered to win tickets to the Peach Bowl. He won. Then he went to the game and won a car! I couldn't win a broken leg in a room of double amputees!
Basically, that's what this is about. I am bad luck. I lease an edit system that costs over 60 grand, and Apple announces software that will do the same thing for less than twenty only two months later. I use my house to take out an SBA loan and then start working so much that I have to move closer to my office. But I can't sell the house because of the loan! So I rent the house. Three years later, my tenants flood the basement, leave the house and don't tell us for two months. The result: a foreclosure because the mortgage company wouldn't allow us to defer the mortgage in order to make repairs.
This year has been a prime example. We get an unexpected check from our insurance coverage, and later that day we lose a job worth 12 times as much. We have a productive meeting about work, and within days Kelli's bluetooth headset for her phone dies, our iBook takes a nosedive and the computer we get to replace it is a lemon. So, that's it! I'm swearing off luck.
Say it with me: there's no such thing as luck. Luck does not exist. Doesn't that feel better? Don't you feel more liberated to live your life? I know I do. Bad things happen to me not because of random chance, but because I'm a selfish idiot. Yeah, I feel free. My problem is not bad luck, but the fact that I'm unlikable and I make terrible business and life decisions. Wow, that feels great. Now excuse me while I go see if I can have the good luck of tripping and falling into a noose.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Nothing's Funny When You're Broke
Over the last few weeks, I've found myself staring at the computer every night, struggling to come up with something funny for this blog. After all, since the very beginning of this site, humor has been my stock-in-trade. But for some reason, this month I just can't bring the funny.
It could be because I've been doing a lot of writing every day -- rewriting our screenplay about the 1926 Rose Bowl. Maybe 6-10 hours of writing and research every day is my limit. However, the script is not really a comedy. It does contain comedic moments, but not enough to sap my funny glands.
It could be all of the time I've been spending in pre-pro on the Body-for-Life documentary. It is essentially a comedic documentary, or com-umentary, if you will. Somehow, brainstorming a few goofy ways to humiliate myself while I try to get in shape doesn't seem like real comedy writing.
So, that leads me to one conclusion: I'm not funny because we're broke. For some reason, whenever we have a child in the Franklin household, we stop working for months. We had plenty of work lined up for this winter and spring, but it was pulled back by a notorious tightwad who works as CFO for one of our clients. We're still waiting to see if that will come back. In the meantime, we're working on some new clients. It looks promising so far, but nothing happens quickly in this business.
So, for a while it seems, I will be struggling far beneath my comedic zenith. A few salient examples of how unfunny I currently am:
Set-up: Dick Cheney accidentally shoots a 78-year-old lawyer while hunting under the influence.
My reaction: Who cares? I can't even afford to get shot!
What my reaction(s) should be: Finally, a politician who's willing to take a stand on the overpopulated elderly lawyer population! OR: If it only took one beer to shoot a man, imagine the kegger the night before they declared an unjust war on Iraq! OR: Today, Veep Cheney declared he'll shoot one old man a day until the media get off his back about this Valerie Plame thing!
Set up: The Americans are in position for their first medal in 30 years in the Olympic sport of ice dancing .
My reaction: Who cares? I can't even afford to buy ice!
What my reaction(s) should have been: Ice dancing a sport? What's next? Ice magic? Ice poker? Or one I'll go to bat for: Ice mime!
Set-up: Bryant Gumbel says he won't watch the Winter Olympics, because of the "paucity of black athletes" and says that they shouldn't even be associated with the Summer Olympic Games.
My reaction: Who cares? I can't even afford to pay attention to the Olympics!
What my reaction(s) should have been: Bryant Gumbel? Wait, is that Greg Gumbel's brother? OR: It's about time a rich white man stood up for the rights of poor, black athletes. OR: Yes, I can see where such so-called sports as ice dancing and curling just don't have the athletic credentials of summer sports like badminton, synchronized swimming or speed walking.
It could be because I've been doing a lot of writing every day -- rewriting our screenplay about the 1926 Rose Bowl. Maybe 6-10 hours of writing and research every day is my limit. However, the script is not really a comedy. It does contain comedic moments, but not enough to sap my funny glands.
It could be all of the time I've been spending in pre-pro on the Body-for-Life documentary. It is essentially a comedic documentary, or com-umentary, if you will. Somehow, brainstorming a few goofy ways to humiliate myself while I try to get in shape doesn't seem like real comedy writing.
So, that leads me to one conclusion: I'm not funny because we're broke. For some reason, whenever we have a child in the Franklin household, we stop working for months. We had plenty of work lined up for this winter and spring, but it was pulled back by a notorious tightwad who works as CFO for one of our clients. We're still waiting to see if that will come back. In the meantime, we're working on some new clients. It looks promising so far, but nothing happens quickly in this business.
So, for a while it seems, I will be struggling far beneath my comedic zenith. A few salient examples of how unfunny I currently am:
Set-up: Dick Cheney accidentally shoots a 78-year-old lawyer while hunting under the influence.
My reaction: Who cares? I can't even afford to get shot!
What my reaction(s) should be: Finally, a politician who's willing to take a stand on the overpopulated elderly lawyer population! OR: If it only took one beer to shoot a man, imagine the kegger the night before they declared an unjust war on Iraq! OR: Today, Veep Cheney declared he'll shoot one old man a day until the media get off his back about this Valerie Plame thing!
Set up: The Americans are in position for their first medal in 30 years in the Olympic sport of ice dancing .
My reaction: Who cares? I can't even afford to buy ice!
What my reaction(s) should have been: Ice dancing a sport? What's next? Ice magic? Ice poker? Or one I'll go to bat for: Ice mime!
Set-up: Bryant Gumbel says he won't watch the Winter Olympics, because of the "paucity of black athletes" and says that they shouldn't even be associated with the Summer Olympic Games.
My reaction: Who cares? I can't even afford to pay attention to the Olympics!
What my reaction(s) should have been: Bryant Gumbel? Wait, is that Greg Gumbel's brother? OR: It's about time a rich white man stood up for the rights of poor, black athletes. OR: Yes, I can see where such so-called sports as ice dancing and curling just don't have the athletic credentials of summer sports like badminton, synchronized swimming or speed walking.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)